What Does It Mean & Me?
Posted March 18, 2010on:
On the night that I write the post about “Today is the first day of the rest of my life & Me” I have a college anxiety dream?
In this dream I am new to what I believe vaguely to be the University of Minnesota, where I never went. It was not Michigan State University, which I attended for more than two years or the University of Wisconsin-Madison, where I graduated.
It was the University of Minnesota, from which Maggie graduated and Michael will graduate in May. I was an adult freshman, who wanted so desperately in the dorm to be liked. But I insulted another woman suggesting she was a freshman when she was a professor. She looked young to me.
There was another kid at the table who came to Minnesota from California for the Jewish Studies Program. He looked like he was in middle school. The Jewish studies program? In the dream, I thought maybe that would be a good major for me. Why not? I had plenty, and I mean plenty, of majors back in my Michigan State days.
Yes what does that mean?
And then it’s the first day of classes, and I forgot about attending my first class and could not remember where my dorm room was. I was trying to convince someone at the desk of the elementary education library at the University to just tell me what my room number was; but she couldn’t get a hold of the right person.
Then I realized my second class of the day was starting and I had no idea where my class was, but just a vague idea that it was in the Natural Sciences Building. I also had nothing on which to take notes.
I ran to a building where I thought I could buy a notebook, but that didn’t work out quite right. I’m now running up hill in September in snow to get to my class. I stop at a local convenience mart run by – and I don’t mean this disrespectfully – but someone of Asian ethnicity. He gave me directions and I started running up hill again in the other direction toward the class (could it be uphill in both directions?). And then, and then, I woke up.
What is all mixed in this dream even if these experiences don’t appear specifically?
- The start of my life post cancer.
- Michael in New York with his GF, Jenny, visiting a couple campuses where he had been offered teaching assistantships in their Ph.D. programs for comparative literature. He previously visited the University of Oregon.
- Michael and Jenny visiting with the best friends of our family’s daughter and granddaughter in New York City, with Jean (the daughter) sending me photos that I got last night just before going to sleep.
- My creating the NCAA Basketball tournament bracket Tuesday for our small group. I won it last year so I’m eager to do this again.
- My attending the synagogue movie night, a winter series at friends’ house.
What the heck does it mean? I don’t know but if I have anxiety about the first day of classes, will I be killing off another grandparent (all gone) at the end of the semester when I forget to write papers, study for a test, etc.?
- Does it mean I’m feeling anxious about Michael’s grad school future?
- Does it just mean general anxiety about life at this point?
- Was it just a great dream to give me something to write about in this blog?
- All of the above.
It’s not a trick question. The answer is D, not that any professor at the University of Minnesota ever gave the answer away to me.