Pinky Pie

And then there was a six pack & Me

Posted on: March 8, 2010

The graphic that Readers Digest used to illustrate the out of date doctor. No resemblance to my own doctors.

I always have a book with me when I go to radiation therapy. But how could I read it when I saw this Readers Digest cover: “Is your doctor out of date? 6 Critical Signs.”

It cracked me up.  It didn’t seem like the best marketing to me for a medical center.

I mentioned that article at a dinner the other night and did get some better suggestions for identifying that outdated doctor: using bleeding or leaches to cure what ails you. By the way, the theory behind those old treatments was that illness was caused by an excess of blood. So get rid of some of that blood by bleeding or letting leaches do the job. Yikes.

Naturally, the article, which was about diabetes, heart disease, blood pressure and back pain, was pretty benign. But it made me think about creating my own six signs of an out of date doctor. Thank you, Internet, once again for providing wonderful resources of practices no longer being used (I hope).

You know your doctor is outdated if he or she:

  1. Diagnoses your illness based on the color of your urine and/or has you drink it to cure what ails you.
  2. Your doctor “moonlights” as a barber-surgeon and bases cures on making you vomit or have  diarrhea, by blistering and/or by rubbing mercury on or in your the body.
  3. Uses astrology to determine your treatment. Being a Libra my treatment includes this warning: “Avoid opening wounds in the umbilicus and parts of the belly and do not open a vein in the back or do cupping.” Check out advice for your own astrological sign at:
  4. Believes the cause of illness is sin and tells you that the only way to cure yourself is to show repentance by inflicting pain upon yourself with self-flagellating.
  5. Denounces a sense of humor by saying the only true humors are: blood, black bile, yellow bile, and phlegm. You get sick if these humors are out of whack.\
  6. Drills holes in your head – without anesthesia – to relieve your migraines. Called trepanation, it caused headaches on its own, thank you very much.

Oh, there are other things that come in sixes, including the sides of a cube, Rubik and otherwise, half dozen eggs, half dozen anything and six packs.

La Crosse, once home to the G. Heinemann Brewing Company, boasted of having the World’s Largest Six Pack – six storage facilities that were painted like Old Style Beer. It was a true tourism draw, with a sign that said, “Shhh…slow down…Heileman’s aging here.”

Heileman, which grew to be the fourth largest brewer in the United States by acquiring many regional breweries, was taken over by an Australia company. That down-under company went bankrupt, which was purchased a couple times before finally being closed by Stroh beer.

Today the Heileman facilities are owned by City Brewery, which mainly does contract brewing and has its own line of La Crosse Lager beers. Those storage facilities are wrapped – and not painted – in the likeness of La Crosse Lager.

I don’t drink beer, but I do miss having two Fortune 500 companies in La Crosse, Wisconsin. It gave us a lot of pride since it is a city of just 50,000. The other was Trane Company, which was gobbled up a couple times, too.

Oh, I forgot one other thing that comes in a six pack: Geese-a-Laying.


1 Response to "And then there was a six pack & Me"

I miss the Old Style six pack! Brings back memories of when I was little and my dad would drive us past it. Since he grew up in La Crosse, we would be there at least once a year visiting family. The Old Style version was still there in 1993 because my husband(then fiance) and I took each other’s pictures by it. By the time our kids came along it looked like it does today, but we still drive past it, telling them the history behind it! We aren’t really beer drinkers, but it was always fun to see!

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