Pinky Pie

Optimism & Me

Posted on: January 13, 2010

Do you know what true optimism is? It’s moving my two bags of frozen peas to the basement freezer.

Chemotherapy is over. The medical devices known in our family as frozen peas are no longer needed. They had been critical in curing my knees savaged by the chemotherapy drug, Taxol. Three days after receiving that IV medication, my knees were killing me (better than the cancer, of course).

The bags o’ peas molded to my knees, icing them and helping me get through the 36 hours or so until I magically felt better.

I’m not hedging my bets by putting the peas in the basement freezer instead of throwing them away. I don’t expect to need them again for chemotherapeutic reasons.

What to do with them? I could honor them by bronzing the bags and putting them on display. I certainly don’t want to eat them considering they’ve been in and out of the freezer multiple times. They’ve proven themselves to be terrific tools for icing injuries and who knows when I might have a boo-boo or two requiring such treatment?

That I decided to relocate them  is symbolic of just how far I have come in this whole breast cancer thing.

I am ecstatic these days, a happy camper. Every single day I feel better and stronger.

Yesterday, in fact, I went on not one but two walks. The first was at the mall, where I’m approaching my full pre-chemotherapy distance.

The second walk was with my friend, Mary Ellen, who called and suggested we go out as the sun was shining. Mary Ellen, who hates winter, knows and appreciates a warmer day.

I felt safe walking with Mary Ellen as she is the mother of the boys who rescued me a couple months ago. They found me lying on the grass a half block from home overwhelmed with exhaustion.

But that was so two months ago (or whenever it was). These days, while I’m on hiatus between chemotherapy and radiation, I am just incredibly happy and strong.

People tell me I look good. In the chemotherapy world, I’m not sure what “looking good” is.  I’m still sans hair, although fortunate I did not lose my eyebrows completely. But I seem to have good color and I have a big smile on my face these days.

Is my hair growing?  I get that question a lot.

I stare at my head trying to figure out if that hair on the top of my head is any longer than it was the day before or a month ago.

Everyone  – including me – is waiting to see what color my hair will be when it does come in. So far it’s my natural color – white.

Or is it? You be the judge.

Is it or isn't it? Only her hairdresser knows for sure.

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1 Response to "Optimism & Me"

Lookin good, mama!

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