Dear Chosen One & Me
Posted November 5, 2009on:
Announcing the first Spam-Scammer of the Year for 2009, a prize that is empty just like the spams that seem to be cluttering my e-mail on a daily basis promising me great wealth.
The rules are the Spam-Scam must:
- Be so laughable that it cures my cancer. You know, laughter is the best medicine and all.
- Go for the heart strings.
- Offer me enough money that I don’t need to worry about paying my health care costs or even work again (but I love what I do for a living so I wouldn’t give that up).
- Follow some other rule that I thought of in the middle of the night but can’t remember now.
Here are the nominations for 2009 – feel free to nominate others.
- Mr. Chris Eze, who writes that since I had not completed the work necessary to receive the previous offer made to me, they had “concluded with another person who financed it to a logical conclusion. I thank you for you’re great effort to our unfinished transfer of fund into your account due to one reason or the other best known to you. But I want to inform you that I have successfully transferred the fund out of the bank to my new partner’s account in China that was capable of assisting me in this great venture.
They so appreciate “your effort, sincerity, courage and trustworthiness you showed during the course of the transaction I want to compensate you and show my gratitude to you with the sum of $2,000,000.00.” Mr. Tony Obi, is standing by with my duly-earned international certified bank draft.
- Mr. Louis Castello, a financial consultant, who writes me that I can receive 20 percent of a $235,000.000.00 fund if I am willing to invest it for his client who, (and I’m not making this up) “is presently at the Southwark crown Court in London over his alleged involvement in money laundering and embezzlement of public funds during his 8 years stewardship in government. He was the immediate past civilian governor in one of the Niger Delta states in Nigeria.”
And I thought these guys were all on the up and up.
- Madam Mary Vandouf, whose email had as its subject, “Dear Chosen One.” Gosh as one of the “chosen people” how could I not love this one? Before her husband’s death, he deposited the summer of ten million Great Britain Pound Sterling, which would be like $16 million U.S. dollar, although aren’t they now on the Euro? I suppose there are some pounds still around in banks. I’ll let Madam continue the story in her own words:
Though what bothers me most is the stroke that I have in addition to this cancer.
I want you to use this gift, which come from my late husband effort to assist the upkeep of widows, widowers, orphans, destitute, the down-trodden, physically challenged children, barren-women and persons who prove to be genuinely handicapped financially as planned with my late husband before his sudden death.
Be rest assured that I will sign the necessary Probate Documents to make you the beneficiary. I will also ask a friend, hospital, attendant, Mr. Makolo to discuss with you since I can no longer talk or lost my vocal system to give you the details and bank where the money was deposited to avoid delay in transferring the money to you now that I am still alive. I am presently in South African for some medical treatment.
Naturally, connecting with Madam the way I do because of us both having cancer, I will jump right in to help her. I do want to help widows, orphans, destitute, etc.
Of course, maybe I could go for all three. These three nominees came in just one day of email, which if my math is correct could mean a combined nearly $70 million payday. Boy what I could do with that money.
So much for the widows and orphans.