Now, you tell me
Posted September 21, 2009on:
On my morning walk, I often listen on my iPod to a podcast of Wait, Wait Don’t Tell me, a hilarious public radio program out of Chicago.
It is so funny that I walk around smiling and laughing out loud. That is a very good thing. I’ve even written to Wait, Wait telling them they are curing my cancer, but I haven’t heard back from the show. Clearly, they figured they shouldn’t encourage this an odd woman who walks around her community laughing and smiling. Maybe, all they would have said to me was, “Wait, wait, don’t tell me.”
Anyway, I was listening to a compilation program that really perked my ears this morning. During the program, the host talked about a study that said one day women will be able to power iPods and other small electronics by jiggling their breasts. Actually, there would be a bra that harnesses that movement into energy.
A stunned comedian and panelist Paula Poundstone responded, “Some day high school boys will leer at a girl and say, ‘She can power Inagodavida. See that girl over there? She can’t even get through Twinkle, Twinkle.’”
Of course, my response was, now, you tell me. That would have been a reason for the lumpectomy, or what is also known as “breast conservation surgery.” Knowing that I could have preserved my breasts and saved the planet at the same time might have led to a different surgery decision.
By the way, today is my son’s 22nd birthday and what young man wouldn’t want his mother to link her breasts (or lack of) with his birthday celebration? (I am a wicked woman.) But Happy Birthday, Michael. (I told him this and he laughed.)
But back to Wait, Wait, they also have a game each week they call “Bluff the Listener.” This person must identify the real story from three equally improbable. If the listener picks the real one, he or she gets announcer Carl Kassel to record his or her answering machine message.
One of those games asked a listener to choose between three new “adorable holiday characters” designed to “spread a particular brand of holiday cheer.” I’ll save my favorite for last:
1. The American Coalition for Clean Coal Electricity unveiled a new holiday icon, Frosty the Coal Man. This national effort was designed to roll out a campaign for “clean coal,” which many say is an oxymoron. In this spot, the animated chunks of coal sing:
Frosty the Coal Man, is a jolly happy soul.
He’s abundant here in America and he helps our economy roll.
Frosty the Coal Man, is getting cleaner every day.
He’s affordable and adorable and helps workers keep their pay.
There must have been some magic in clean coal technology,
For when they looked for pollutants there was nearly none to see.
2. General Motors supposedly introduced a character called Sparky the Car Maker, who was a big CEO explaining the peril of the automobile industry to “little ears.” Sparky the Car Maker’s Christmas flew to the North Pole to ask the Christmas elves for a $25 billion loan. But the Elves, “who had no Christmas spirit, sent Sparky away.” Sparky was so sad because he knew the economy of the whole world depended on his company. So he drove back in his “big, big car” and agreed to settle for $15 billion for the company and “only a dollar for me.”
3. This one and my favorite had an augmented Vixen the Reindeer serving as the spokes-reindeer for a new holiday campaign to prevent bad boob jobs.” Supposedly an animated Vixen in a red bikini is represents a California association of certified plastic surgeons to promote positive plastic surgery. “Every December husbands and boy friends buy bargain basement breast augmentation procedures for the women in their lives,” the association president supposedly said. “…We wanted to educate them in a festive way.”
Despite my amusement at Vixen, the correct story was Frosty the Coal Man. And you can actually see this on YouTube at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5DR1oyr4g8
Both of these stories made me laugh about my breasts or lack of. But hey, cancer is too funny not to laugh.
And did I mention happy birthday to Michael?