Pinky Pie

“You’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well, do ya punk?”

Posted on: August 11, 2009

It’s not often that I get to quote Clint Eastwood, but since I previously quoted Tevye from “Fiddler on the Roof,” I’m feeling very culturally aware these days.

So why am I feeling lucky one day before my breast cancer surgery? Since my diagnosis, I have been getting a plethora of emails from nice people in Nigeria and other places who want to give me millions of dollars. I am so lucky that sometimes three and four people make these offers to me each day.

Miss Sue Suda wrote, “Before the death of my father on 29th June 2007 in a private hospital here in Abidjan. He secretly called me on his bed side and told me that he has a huge sum of money deposited in Abidjan Cote d’lvoire, that he used my name as his only daugther for the next of kin in depositing the fund.”

Miss Sue Suda, who is from the Ivory Coast, has so much money for me that she even sent my “greetings” twice – once to two different emails. Does that mean I get the money twice?

She did not mention specifically how much I’ll get, but I know it’s a lot.

Then there was a communication from, “My Friend,” Mr. Nat Akainyah, from Ghana, West Africa, who promised me $3 million. His email was written as a reply, as if we had discussed this thoroughly previously. “My new partner assisted me in securing all the legal funds transfer clearance documents such as (certificate of origin, non-drug/money laundering clearance certificate and anti-terrorist clearance certificate) which the IMF requested from us before the funds was transferred to Spain,” he wrote.

I want to fight terrorism and drugs as much as anyone. I better take that offer.

But wait, Miss Jennifer offered me $15.5 million dollars (how could I turn that down?) And she writes, “Dearest one,” so she must really know me.

And then Mr. Victor Kwasigha, who has “two lovely kids” began is email with Compliment of the day. (I love flattery.) He has discovered $15.5 million that the bank where he works is unaware of. He’ll give me 30 percent if we go into business together. No one in his bank will ever know, he promises me.

If it all adds up, I may have enough money to pay for my surgery. So who needs health insurance reform when we have wonderful people who will send us millions of dollars just for giving them our bank numbers?

Geez, I hope I haven’t used up all my luck by accepting all these offers from Nigeria, Sudan and Ivory Coast. I wonder how their cancer services are there?

P.S. I do feel lucky to have wonderful people in my life who are supporting me in this. And, I like the medical staff, too. So …..

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